Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Best Laid Plans......

Lately I feel like someone is testing my resolve.....like how many issues (big and small) can we throw in your path to disrupt your ambition? Issues like my ongoing eye trouble.....which really I'm tired of talking about. All I will say is that one should not have their eye surgeon on speed dial and said surgeon should not be responding to my texts at 7am....'Nuff said......

So anyway.....last week was a vacation for hubby and I. 
So after a week filled with things like :



I should have been completely rested and ready to take on the world. In fact my plans this week were to do some of this........

                                            and some of this............
But, thanks to recycled airplane air.......instead my week entailed this:

so now I feel like this........




 But I am determined to do some kind of writing this weekend, even if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I just need to get back on track and back into the process......

I have to feel better - next week is our annual fall trek for pumpkins, wine tasting and doughnuts....... :)

 
 
 
See you all again very soon!!


~ Adrienne


Sunday, September 9, 2012

It's All About The Balance.......






When it comes to balance (as in balancing all aspects of life)....I have two left feet.

A year ago I started working on the way I ate - eliminating as much extra sugar as possible, doubling up on veggies at each meal, cutting back on excess carbs, and making sure the ones I ate were only whole grain. It was a big change for me and it worked. I lost some weight, went down a couple of pants sizes, and generally felt better. What I didn't work on at the time was exercising. Oh, I did the treadmill or walks in the neighborhood, every couple of days like I'd always done, but nothing more. Actually in absolute disclosure....I slacked a lot in that area. I could only focus on getting the diet under control. It's all or nothing.This is how it goes with me....

Flash back to about 2 years ago, when I threw myself into the P90X program with full gusto.....okay so maybe not full gusto. For anyone not familiar with the plan, P90X is a program that you literally do every day for 90 days and after that you work to maintain what you achieved. Most of the workouts are at least an hour or more and some days there is an additional ab workout that's about another 1/2 hour. No offense Tony Horton, because honestly you do amaze me.....but unless you are Tony Horton you're going to have trouble sticking to the everyday for 90 days. I think I made it to about 50 and that was probably stretched out over...well more than 50 days. But I was doing it none the less. I know there are a lot of people who have completed success with the program (just watch the infomercial - it's so inspiring.), but I was not one of them. The program also comes with a food plan as well, but let me tell you - by the time I was done with all the working out, the last thing I wanted to do was follow recipe plans and try to remember how many servings of food groups I should have. I kind of felt that as long as I kept my eating fairly healthy, I should do ok. Well, I did tone up, I slept better, and my clothes did fit better, but overall I think I only lost about 2lbs. Then one day I injured my arm overdoing it (10 hours of yard work after a P90 workout is not smart.) Since a lot of the workouts include weights and push ups, I was out of commission for a time. It was coming up on summer at the time so I figured I would rather be outside anyway. I'd do P90 on the rainy days.....I'm sure you see where this is going. 


So, last summer when I wasn't happy with how I looked/felt, I switched things up. I decided to focus on the eating, get that under control and throw exercise back in after. And it worked because I did lose weight, felt better and I kept the weight loss off....for the most part. There's just this thing called life (maybe you've heard of it?), that sometimes gets in the way of things. I had also jumped back into writing this year, whether adding extra time on the weekends or one or two weeknights as well, which means more sitting and less moving. Then there were parties, ice cream stands, weddings, and unplanned surgeries. The first ones are inevitable and not really excuses. The last one was more believable as I ate horrible that week and didn't do much moving around. I did not (thankfully) gain all the weight back or even come close to it, but I can see that without getting things under control, one pound can turn into many. I can't rely completely on sticking 100% to my eating plan, because lets face it - I'm human and damn, the cupcakes at that wedding were amazing! I also can't depend solely on just exercising away anything that I eat. There has to be a balance between the two.....so this week I said no to one of the birthday cakes we had at work, and this morning I laced up my new sneakers (aren't they fun? Hoping they will motivate me).  


I went for a walk and even ran for about 2 blocks (I was caught in a torrential downpour, so had no choice....but the point is that I ran!) Then I came home and lifted some weights and did some other exercises. I'm hoping to fit in another walk this evening with hubby since the rain has cleared. You have to start somewhere right? I'm thinking in a few weeks I may work up the nerve to start seeing Tony Horton again. :)

But in the end it really is all about balance. Finding the time to plan healthy meals, fit in writing, friends and family, exercise and sleep. I know it's never going to be an even split between all of them, but there has to be a better balance than what I have now (picture a teeter totter with one end always on the ground.)

How do you find balance? How do you keep focused when making or breaking a habit? 
Share the motivation! 


~ Adrienne

Friday, August 31, 2012

Empathy




 Empathy.......


People who live with debilitating pain are my new heroes. In a display of psychic prowess, I correctly predicted in my last blog post that I'd be making a trip to the eye doctor fairly soon. That was last Sunday afternoon. I'd woken up that morning with a dull ache behind my eye which had preceded each of my last visits to the eye doctor. Typically it would start with redness and lead into the ache/light sensitivity by the next day. But this time there was no redness, just the ache, so I resigned myself to some mild discomfort for the rest of the day, knowing I would just be calling the doctor's office in the morning (just how I wanted to spend a day off huh?) Oh if I had only known.....

By 9pm the dull ache had begun to intensify so I decided to just go to bed and try to sleep through it. About midnight I woke to find my eye was just about swollen shut and the dull pain had increased to an overwhelming throb. The pressure was unlike anything I had experienced before - like quite possibly my eye was going to explode. After about an hour of trying to breathe through it, I finally woke hubby up. I was getting scared of how intense the pressure was. That and the fact that the moonlight coming in the window was causing excruciating pain, (I also had my sunglasses on....I kid you not), was beginning to concern me. We decided to call the after hours emergency number for my eye doctor. The doctor on call was extremely kind and offered to meet me at the office to administer some kind of pain meds, but warned that he would need me to come back as soon as the office opened to see the surgeon as it was clear this was no longer routine complications from the surgery back in January. I decided that I could forgo the pain meds as long as he could assure me I was doing no physical harm in waiting it out (he assured me I was not.) He promised he would be in touch after reaching the surgeon and arranging for him to meet us first thing. (Thank you Dr. Hurley for calling not once, but four more times and once to check on me after everything was said and done.)

I can do this...I thought. Just a couple of more hours and I'll have relief. I'll just lay down and close my eyes and I'll be able to fall asleep.... I'm so tired. Let me tell you, pain in the light of day with activity, sounds and whatnot going on around you is so different from silent, dark, dead of the night pain. There was nothing to distract me from the pain, nothing to make me think it would be over soon. The hours of night drag on endlessly when you have pain. I love night time and a good night's sleep ranks high on my list of must haves. Yet, I could see how quickly night could become your enemy when you have chronic pain. Hubby lay with me, rubbing my back, trying to ease the pain. He didn't speak, clearly knowing there was nothing he could say to make it go away. I just had to (literally) grit my teeth and bear it.

When the phone call came at 6:30am telling me what office to meet the surgeon at, I had reached the breaking point. I was shaking, drifting between chills and sweating; literally wanting to jump out of my skin. I have no shame in admitting that I finally just broke down crying out of sheer frustration. To have no relief from the pain was too much to take and in reality it hadn't even been 24 hours.....some people experience this for days, months on end? As I said.....my new heroes.

The rest of that day is really a blur. We had to drive to their alternate office (I have no idea how we got there or what the office looked like on the outside.) A series of exams followed by a meeting with the surgeon, who very quickly advised that we reverse the surgery from last January. My body, for whatever reason, was rejecting the implants. Each of the previous issues had been small warning signs. Since we weren't listening, it was going to turn things up. A heavy dose of oral steroids, antibiotic and steroid eye drops, a Valium and about 12 hours later, the surgery was reversed and the pain was gone. Hopefully I am now on the road to recovery. A few more weeks of steroids will tell the tale......

Physical pain can be an annoyance - daily debilitating pain is something else all together. It's mentally, physically and emotionally draining. To deal with that and try to lead a daily life, takes a particular kind of strength - a strength I'm not honestly sure I'd be able to exhibit. If you have someone in your life who deals with daily pain, have patience when they are struggling, offer support where you can and say a prayer that it be taken from them. 

~ Adrienne


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Where did summer go??

I'm not sure how this happened, but one day I wrote a blog post, went to bed, and woke up the next day to find that it was not in fact the next day. It was somehow 51 days later and there wasn't a blog post in sight. Speaking of sight, mine continues to be an issue (we are now on round 2 of 4 weeks of eye drops and something tells me that I will be making a trip to visit the eye doctor again.....very soon.) 

But for now, I am pretending that it feels fine and that it is not hindering my ability to sit at a computer for long periods of time.....

So here is a recap of what the last few weeks have entailed........

GARDENING - When last we spoke the pruning/planning/mulching had been completed. Despite the drought this summer brought, I've been able to keep our new plants alive. Not bad right?




 ROAD TRIP
 Hubby and I decided that we needed a mini getaway. Somewhere we could drive to (and by drive, not days), somewhere we had never been, and preferably that would involve seafood.

 Mystic, CT it was. 

Note - We did break up the trip by stopping the first night in Albany to visit my aunt and uncle, who surprised us with tickets to see Blue Man Group. Awesome musical talent and yes, as I pointed out to my aunt, we did just pay money to watch that man eat Captain Crunch on stage (hopefully someone has seen the show and will know what I am referring to.)

We arrived in Mystic the next day and spent a couple of days exploring a charming coastal town. Here's what we found:
  • Narrow roads with extremely friendly drivers
  • A draw bridge which is an event every 40 minutes
  • Great sunsets
  • A wonderful aquarium
  • Seafood Seafood Seafood (Angry that I forgot to take a picture of the lobster sandwich I had upon arrival....but I was mesmerized by the lobster....) 


















 





 We returned to reality a few days later with some great memories and a new appreciation for the New England states.......


So, what else have we done you ask?

Friday night we took a trip back to our high school days. We took in the Def Leppard/Poison/Lita Ford show. Hubby's best friend and his fiance were with us as we took that trip down memory lane. Some observations from the night:
  • Why is it that I couldn't remember what I had for dinner the night before, but I could remember the words to a song that I hadn't heard in years?
  • Seeing Poison perform reminded me of their very first album - I remember hearing it when a friend brought it into our Catholic grade school class - so risque!
  • We did see a couple of people dressed in 80's rock and roll attire - leather pants, long hair, makeup (on the guys). I still haven't decided if they were just getting into the spirit of things for the night, or if they still reside in the 80's.
  • Brett Michael's mentioned Buffalo and Western NY so many times in their set that one could have made a drinking game out of it.
  • Lita Ford is 54 years old and has a new album out......go you.
  • Poison has been together 26 years.
  • Seeing hubby and his best friend playing air guitar like two teenagers was priceless.

So, what did your summer entail?


~ Adrienne

PS - Yes, I've continued working on my book - 14 chapters down......have no idea how many more to go. 

I've also added to the book collection through numerous rummage sales - just some light reading.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Pruning - Part II




 


When last we met, I was rambling discussing my issues with giving up/making changes/cutting back on things that weren't working in my yard/life/etc..... When I finally agreed to one major change, I slowly started to see that change didn't always have to be a bad thing. Especially when change meant taking something like this:

 


and getting something like this:



As lovely as it was and as nice as it made things, I still fought against other changes. I wanted to continue to struggle with the overcrowding of flower beds and runaway ground cover. To add to the madness of thinking I could do it all, I was also still trying to plant new annuals every year, which added even more to the upkeep. So this spring, I finally said enough is enough. I couldn't do it all and I couldn't deal with the guilt of not being able to do it all. So in a couple of weekends with a very helpful hubby, we cleaned house yard. We kept some Hostas (which we transplanted) and the rose bushes as I believed they were the item that meant the most to the previous owner. We removed all traces of the Pachysandra, added Hibiscus, more Hostas and a couple of new rose bushes. We collected rocks from Lake Ontario to add some character to the gardens and mulched the heck out of them to fight back the determined weeds. I'm not a professional gardener (or photographer), but I'm learning........


BEFORE





AFTER

(Please excuse the sad siding....that is a future project and as they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day..")

BEFORE




 AFTER
 (Again ignore the siding. Apparently the previous owners decided to begin siding the house and only did one half. I call it quirky chic.)


 




 BEFORE


 AFTER


 

The lessons that I learned from all of these changes are something I need to apply to my everyday life. How often do we continue to do the same things over and over, afraid to make a change; whether it's as simple as changing your hair style, to something as big as ending a relationship that is no longer healthy for you? I think you need to let go of something wrong in your life in order to make room for something that is right. My favorite example of this was hubby taking a risk to flight instruct full time. He let go of the security of a full time job that prevented him from his real love of teaching others to fly. As soon as he made the decision to make that change he had new students coming from every direction. 

For me, I had to learn to give a higher priority to what is most important to me in my life, not what I think is most important to everyone else. As I have said before - to my friends who have children, I have no idea how you do it all. Some days work, cleaning the house and maintaining all the relationships in my life, are all I can handle. Add in my love/need to write, 2 pets, and an attempt to exercise, and.....well I don't think I need to tell anyone how there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. So I needed to figure out how to protect those things that are most important to me (family/friends/writing) and how to weed out (pun intended) the lesser things......like having a perfectly clean house (no hubby I am not going to stop cleaning) or maintaining a full blown garden. My friend and I began scheduling a weekly night to get together and write. The funny thing is that once we did that, I realized how much I needed to write, which in turn made me say, "I need more time to write." An added bonus is that I get to also spend time with my friend and maintain a friendship that is so important to me. From all of this I'm more willing now to say I'm going to take a couple of hours on the weekend to work. I've made myself say no to a couple of things (nothing that was extreme and nothing that hurt anyone), but it was still hard for me nonetheless to not feel guilt over not doing it all. But I found the more that I ask for the time that I need, the easier it has become and the more readily it has been given. Change is hard; don't get me wrong. This isn't something that I came to overnight and it's not something that I won't struggle with, but my experience with pruning has shown me that sometimes you have to make changes to make something beautiful........


What changes are you contemplating?
Get out your pruning shears......



~ Adrienne





Sunday, June 24, 2012

Pruning - Part I



When hubby and I first began our house hunt 5 years ago, we knew the house itself would need to be modest due to our budget. A couple of bedrooms, a garage and a nice neighborhood, were our main goals. I myself had only one concern. I wanted flowers in my yard. All the years leading up to this moment, first in my own apartment and then in our condo, were filled with a simple desire to plant something.....anything.So when we came upon our house it was pretty much what we were looking for. Three bedrooms, a garage (2 car!), and it was in a cozy neighborhood. In addition the house came with......some...ummm.... lovely.....bushes. As you can see from the picture above, these were no small bushes. No sirree. These bushes were apparently planted shortly after the house was built and they were, (according to legend) only trimmed once during that time. What you are looking at folks is actually the top of the bushes. They had grown so much over the years that they essentially tipped over, hence the top became the front of the bushes. What you can't see from the picture is the space behind them, which was large enough to house a small village. Not being fond of the idea of someone or something hiding out in them, we made pulling them out our first priority. Neighbors told us later that they had no idea there was an additional bedroom window on the front of the house until then! In fairness to the previous owners, the woman was elderly and too proud to ask for assistance, so she had done what she could. 

Now what the front of the house lacked in color and aesthetics, the back of the house made up for. Primroses, cone flowers, rosebushes, evergreens and a number of other bushes and shrubs. It was obvious the woman loved to garden and this was her pride and joy. I was thrilled. I could see that some work would need to be done to bring things under control, but it was what I had wanted right? Fast forward a couple more months to the actual closing/moving process and reality sunk in. Knowing the home owner had been ill, it made sense that things would be a little neglected. What we had failed to realize was that the neglect had actually gone on for a couple of years and things were in serious decline. Flower beds were overflowing with flowers that were planned and those that had simply moved in on their own. Not to mention the weeds that had infiltrated, each and every one of the beds. Shrubs were overgrown or half dead, and the others grew at odd angles, competing for sun with a large neighboring tree. The main eyesore ran along the entire length of the back of the house. The area (again due to the large tree), didn't get sun but for about 2 hours a day. Therefore the ground never dried completely, resulting in a soggy, mossy mess. The bushes and plants that attempted to grow there had about an inch of foliage at the top and about 2 feet of dead branches underneath. What did flourish in this area was pachysandra, an insanely fast spreading ground cover. It had spilled itself right over the borders of the flower bed and was threatening to take over the entire yard.





But, again this was what I had wanted right? So I dug in (literally). We dug out the front bushes and replaced them with small (manageable) box woods and rose of Sharon. We removed dead evergreens and cut back anything that stood still. We then took a wait and see approach with everything else. With some pruning and patience we hoped that most of the yard would regenerate itself in a healthy fashion. But the following year brought much of the same. No matter how much had been cut back, some things were just too old and had gone too long with out care to revive themselves. So we removed the shrub that couldn't grow straight and dug out the rampant pachysandra. I was stubborn about a lot of things though. Hubby and I fought discussed saving some things.Trust me, I held onto things that were well past their prime, including a miniature rose bush that had been choked for years by a pair of evergreens. The bush literally produced about 5 flowers in its last year of life, being more of a stump than anything else, but I felt the need to continue trying to save it. He wanted to clean things up and make the yard neater, while I felt an odd sense of loyalty to the previous owner, a gardening kinship if you will. I felt extreme guilt at removing anything she had planted and obviously cared for. I also felt like a failure for not being able to keep up with it and make it look better. 

After a couple of years of the ongoing struggle with things, I agreed to some small changes. We began with the swamp behind the house. Knowing nothing would grow there we decided to turn the space into a patio. That went extremely well, but even seeing those improvements, I was still reluctant to give up - give up my guilt over not being much of a "natural" gardener and my belief that I could do it all. So it took until this year for me to finally say enough is enough. We needed to make some real changes. As much as I loved the idea of gardening, I was not retired nor a trained horticulturist. There were not enough hours in the day that were required to keep everything maintained. I loved summer, but I wasn't being allowed to enjoy it because I was always trying to fix something in the yard. 

I realized that gardening is a lot like life. We hold onto things that aren't working far past their time. Relationships, jobs, addictions, and most of all guilt. Guilt that we aren't doing everything right, that we're not getting everything done, or worse, that we aren't living our life as someone else is expecting us to. Sometimes we need to say enough is enough and start cutting back. Look at things in a different light (especially those areas that don't get sun), rethink the layout of your life.....and most importantly, get a pair of good pruning shears.

~ Adrienne

Next up.......Time for change........


Saturday, June 2, 2012

House calls.......

Happy Saturday! How are you spending yours? The weather here is cool and damp which is my only consolation as I sit waiting. What am I waiting for you ask? A house call......from a vet. Don't laugh....extreme circumstances call for extreme measures.

Meet Mr. Extreme (AKA Kim the cat).....he looks harmless right? Don't kid yourself folks. He's 20 pounds of meek and mild mannered at home (afraid of his shadow, the vacuum and his 10 pound sister.) He runs in terror at most things and a couple of times has gone head first into a wall to avoid whatever danger he's confronted with. Except of course when we go to the vet. The trouble begins in just getting him to the vet. When he outgrew his regular cat carrier, we purchased one of the luggage style ones that you can unzip from the top. Much easier to lift him into right? Wrong. Lifting him in is no issue. Getting him to lay down? BIG issue. He squares his shoulders and holds his ground. So after wrestling, cajoling, and tempting with treats, he is somehow in.....and you need a shower. The entire car ride there he presses his nose against the mesh siding and hyperventilates (in between the yowling at the top of his lungs.) Got forbid we ever have to drive anywhere with him farther than across town. I now understand why the guys on The A-team were always drugging BA.

Okay, so now we're at the vet - good right? Sure......once in the waiting room he goes eerily silent and unmoving, except for his eyes which are darting everywhere. The last few times they took pity on us, allowing us to wait in the car with him until they were ready for him, but there is no fooling that boy. Once in the room and out of his carrier he's "gently" placed on the scale, which he lowers himself into attempting to make himself dissapear. If I can't see you, you can't see me. Then the real fun begins. They attempt to take his temperature. For those of you not familiar with how a cat's temp is taken.....ask someone with a cat. In the 7 years that we've had him he's only had his temp taken once.....They tell me that vet tech was looking for a different career anyway, but I don't believe them. 

They attempt to listen to his heartbeat, but it's pretty difficult to hear over all that screeching. His teeth get examined when he hisses at them. The vaccine shots involve a towel, vet, a tech and some hapless helper who has no idea what they are in for. Let me just say, whoever invented those pretty, shiny smooth exam tables is an idiot. Trying to contain a 20lb fur ball (and I do mean fur) on top of that table is like trying to control a mountain lion on a skating rink. It's not long before he is on the floor, under the table, ready to kill. The first time this occurred, the vet sent for a backup. Enter hapless kid wearing giant bird gloves (you know the kind they use with bald eagles?) He looks down at my sweet, gentle baby (ears back as far as they will go, eyes dilated as big as they will go and oh my Grandma, what big teeth you have), looks at me and asks "Uhhhh does he bite?" 

The last time we took him there they highly suggested we look into giving him a tranquilizer before bringing him in again. So needless to say he hasn't been in awhile. I feel very bad about that, but the stress level brought on by such visits is horrible. He usually ends up sick for the next day and is even more skittish than normal. But my fear is that should something happen where he requires medical attention, they won't see him if he hasn't had a rabies vaccine. So that's where the house call comes in. I found a local vet who offers home visits on Saturdays. They have the belief that the animal will behave better in their own environment. There isn't the added stress of getting him out of the house, the car ride, etc. They even assured me they don't mind if the animal tries to bite them (we'll see).

So, again here I wait. I have catnip and bird gloves ready. I also have gauze, peroxide and some surgical tape as well as 911 on speed dial......Wish me luck.

Adrienne


PS - I know you're wondering about "does he bite?" The last time he was there for a regular checkup the new tech (I can't understand why they have so many new techs) looked at his chart and said "Oh, apparently you don't like coming to the vet Kim. It says here that you're a possible biter.....oh my....possible is crossed out."