Please Clap...

I swear I thought I was getting better at this. I write posts in my head all of the time, but they never seem to find their way onto the page. I can blame it on writing actual stories, which isn't a bad thing, but this place ends up pretty lonely. 

As an apology, I'd like to offer a very positive update... Drum Roll...

My glimmer of an idea for a feminine rage story (based on Taylor Swift's Who's Afraid of Little Old Me) has become a finished draft! I was hoping that in the last year things would have dramatically improved, and my story wouldn't have a place in the world... (insert delusional laughter).

So, I officially typed The End at the start of January, making this a record for finishing a first draft. I was also finishing edits on my second story at the time, so I'm patting myself on the back for this accomplishment. My job now is to sort through my outline and try to make it match up with what actually made it onto the page. I realize that sounds backwards, considering the book is written. But ever since I became a plotter, an outline is the easiest way to keep myself on track, versus wandering off the map that I've drawn. Even with that, plot lines move, new ideas are added, and the end product doesn't match the original outline. So, I go back and update the outline so that the chapters, scenes, and overall ideas match up to what is actually written in each section. Yes, it ends up being a lengthy process, but I have found that in transcribing the information, I've picked up on a couple of discrepancies that would have been very easily overlooked otherwise. It also makes it easier to see where things get boring or a main character doesn't appear enough. Once the outline is complete, I'll make notes on anything I feel needs to be fixed. Once I make the big changes, I'll go line by line to cut anything that doesn't add to the story (ugh, so hard.) I'll also analyze each line for word choice, anything to make the story flow better. Last will be grammar and punctuation....and then send it off to my critique partners, who I hope will love it while also finding ways to help me make it even better. 

Now the ways that I have been filling my well these past few months...

Music 

• Sofia Isella - I'm amazed at someone so young who is so unafraid to put it all out there in terms of lyrics and anger. A couple of her songs were on my playlist for my Who's Afraid story.
• Taylor Swift - Life of a Showgirl - All of the songs get stuck in your head, but especially Father Figure. 
• Hayley Williams - Ego Death at a Bachelor Party - I've loved her since Paramore, but this feels like a much rawer version. True Believer speaks volumes about our world.
• Bury our Bones in the Midnight Soil Playlist - V.E. Schwab is my favorite author. If she shares a playlist for a book, you can be sure I'm adding it to my list. I'm embarrassed to say that I've yet to read this book. I bought it as soon as it came out, but her books are so big to me that I need to have the perfect space and time to read them. I'm hoping this next month will be it.  

Books

• I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me - Jamison Shea - This was on my list for my spooky reading season, but it took months for it to be available in Libby. As someone with two left feet, I loved learning the secrets of being a ballerina (and maybe thankful I never had that ability!) The writing was evocative in the creepiest way.
• Iron Flame - Rebecca Yarros - I started the paper copy months ago, and just as I would get into it, a Libby hold would come in. I'm about three chapters from being done lol. I'm amazed by people who can write trilogies and with other worlds and that much detail. I had resisted these books for a while, but glad I gave in...and now I want an orange dragon with a teenage attitude. IYKYK.  
• Yerba Buena - Nina LaCour - I've always loved the writing style of Nina's YA books. It's quiet but so powerful. This was the first adult novel that I've read of hers, and I was just as blown away by the writing.  

TV

• Stranger Things - I'm still in mourning that it's over. As a child of the 80's, this show was the literal definition of comfort. I'm also a sucker for found family stories, so I miss the kids and their babysitters. (God Bless the Duffer brothers for letting Steve live.) 
• Schitt's Creek - This is another one of my comfort shows. The passing of Catherine O'Hara was devastating, so this will continue to be what I turn to. 
• Derry Girls - My father-in-law was born in Belfast, and my husband loves all things Irish. We finally traveled there a few years back and talk constantly about going again. I'm only a few episodes in; the story lines are insane, but so incredibly funny.

Hope you're finding ways to fill your well and wishing you light and hope in the world. 

~ Adrienne

Tell the story....

Okay, so it's been months, not a year, so we're making progress. I wish I could say that my increased ability to focus was in direct proportion to the state of the world, but....

Dear reader, things have gotten progressively worse, but we have no choice but to keep going, right? 

In more direct terms, the horrors persist, nevertheless, so do I.

I'm still querying my first book and preparing to start querying my second. I'm trying to stay optimistic despite the reality of how difficult it was to break into publishing before (gestures wildly around me), all of this began. Add the issue of rising costs on everything, library funding being cut, and the increasing attack of book bans, and one might (should) ask why I would want to do this. Why would I want to persist? Because in times like these, art is one of the few ways we have to truly express how we are feeling. We use our talents to connect with others who are feeling the same way we do. If I had any talent with a paintbrush, I would be Van Goghing the hell out of a canvas right now. If I were an actor, I would be searching for roles that involve leading a rebellion. If I were Taylor Swift, I would be writing the next Who's Afraid of Little Old Me. 

I have a computer and a small ability to tell a story, and up until now, they've been quiet ones. My first is about a ghost whisperer who desperately wants to be a normal teenager. My second one involves undiagnosed anxiety, reincarnation, and redemption. I love my characters and the soft stories they have to tell. But this past year, an idea came to me that was outside my comfort zone. It links back to the first time I heard Taylor Swift's Who's Afraid of Little Old Me. I remember having a visceral reaction to the anger of the song. I wondered what would happen if the good person was pushed too far, and would the consequences really be their fault? So, last summer, I wrote a basic outline and a couple of chapters that explored supernatural abilities and bullying. I set it aside after that, planning to return when my second book was finished, but I have to admit that part of me worried. This isn't what I write. Thrillers, even borderline horror, are not something I thought I identified with. I can read those stories, but I didn't feel like I had it in me to write anything close...but ideas have been coming to me. I don't want to give anything away, but my outline expanded to include women's health, false Christianity, and feminine rage. 

Maybe, because of the current world, I do have it in me. I hope one day my story will connect with someone else....

In the meantime, I'm still absorbing as much art as I can.

Books I read:

Wilder Girls - Rory Power - An all-girls school under quarantine after a virus outbreak that alters them physically. I was looking for some inspiration for my female rage story, and this certainly gave some insight. 

Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show - Bethany Joy Lenz - Wow! An absorbing study of how someone can get pulled into a cult, as well as an examination of how someone's spiritual beliefs can be used to control them.

Books I'm reading:

When the World Tips Over - Jandy Nelson - Jandy's books are set in reality but infused with such magic. So jealous of her storytelling.

Our Infinite Fates - Laura Stevens - I've been patiently waiting for this book, especially since it was compared to my favorite, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. It also contains a reincarnation plot like my second story. Two souls who are destined to love and kill each other in a thousand lifetimes - what?? 

What I'm listening to: 

Cacophony - Paris Paloma - Pretty sure there's a reason her song Labour is receiving so much attention right now.

Mayhem - Lady Gaga - She's always reinventing herself, and I appreciate that her song How Bad Do U Want Me, is filling my Taylor Swift void for new music :) :)

What I'm watching:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Hear me out. I remember watching this in the 90s, but I had forgotten so much of it. For some reason, watching demons getting taken out in every episode is oddly comforting. 

The Handmaid's Tale - I'm not technically watching, as the final season doesn't start for another 4 days, but I am psyching myself up for it. I read the book in college and found it to be such a chilling and yet far-off story. The series debuted in 2017, which seems like 10 lifetimes ago. Unfortunately, the story no longer seems far-fetched. As the saying goes, objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are....

I would love to hear how you're using your talents and gifts to connect with others, and as always, what are you reading?! :)

~Adrienne

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion....Albert Camus

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act....George Orwell

I know, I know how long it’s been. I don’t need the lecture. In all fairness, I have been writing, editing, and querying. So yes, I have been doing all the writing.

Just not here.

But let’s just move on, shall we?

So, like I said, I have been doing all of the things related to writing and books…except for reading. I don’t know about anyone else, but for the last two months of 2024, my brain went into some kind of shutdown mode when it came to reading. Up until then, I had been rolling happily along, reading daily before it came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t pinpoint anything specific. It seemed to be gradual; one day, I would read a few paragraphs before realizing I couldn’t recall anything that I had read. Other times, I would feel physically exhausted the minute I started reading. It didn’t matter if I was in bed at 10 pm or in a chair at 4 pm. Everything would shut down. The last straw was heightened anxiety that made it impossible to focus on anything (except for doom scrolling). So I stopped, fully gave up, and didn’t pick up a book for the rest of the year. It was so bad that I didn’t make my reading goal for the year. Up to that point, I’d been on track to exceed my goal. I had only ever not met it during Covid.

I started thinking back on that time and realized the cause was extreme anxiety over not knowing what was coming. At that time, it was so bad that I also couldn’t write. However, something did change after a few months, and the desire to read came back in full force, followed by the writing. I can’t pinpoint exactly what changed back then, but I think it had to do with realizing the world wasn’t going to fix itself miraculously and I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. If anything, it would most likely remain a dumpster fire. Books were one of the few things that could bring me true happiness, even if for only a few hours.

I think I also let the holidays be an excuse. There’s so much to do during that time, so many distractions, things to take us away from the news of the day. When the holidays ended, there were no more distractions, just a startling sense of reality and how soon things would be changing again. Around that time, I noticed a lot of artists online talking about using art (music, painting, crocheting, and obviously writing) as a form of rebellion, even protest, against the darkness of the world. It wasn’t an immediate ah-ha moment, but more of a “yeah, why the F&$!#% am I letting them take joy away from me along with everything else?”  

I wish I could tell you that I don’t doom scroll anymore or worry about every little thing. But I stopped watching or listening to the news and tried to watch more videos about art, music, books, etc. I walk a fine line between needing to stay informed and not losing my mind. Some days, I do better than others. More than anything, I’ve made it a point to do something creative and absorb something creative. I’m proud to report that I have read four books since the first of the year. My hope this year is not that I’ll meet my reading goal but that there will be more minutes spent reading than doom scrolling. I hope the same for you, my friends.

If you need any inspiration, here’s what I’ve been reading:

·       The Small and the Mighty: Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement – Sharon McMahon – Boy, if you need some inspiration during these times, this is the book for you. Especially if you feel like only powerful people can change things.

·       How it Feels to Float – Helena Fox – I’ve been looking for stories to use as a comp for the book I’m currently editing (YA/Anxiety/Reincarnation), and this story felt right: grief, severe anxiety, and just being a teenager in today’s world.

·       The House in the Cerulean Sea – T.J. Klune – This book has been on my list for months, and my hold finally came in a week ago. After I finished it, I wrote an Instagram post for a particular quote and how this was the book I needed during this time. I don’t even know how to describe it other than - cozy fantasy, found family and the antichrist thrown in. Just read it…..

·       The Magician’s Assistant – Ann Patchett – I am a HUGE Ann Patchett fan, but there are a few of her older books that I somehow missed, and this was one. I have to be honest – some of her books I don’t know that I would have ever read based just on the description…Thankfully, I learned to ignore the blurbs years ago and have never looked back. I’m telling you right now - I will read the phone book if she ever comes out with a new version of it. No one writes about relationships and everyday lives like she does. I didn’t expect to be invested in a former magician’s assistant living in LA who found out that her late husband had a family she never knew about. Nor did I expect to care about that family living in the middle of Nebraska. I suspect I wouldn’t have either if it was anyone but Ann telling the story.  

Please let me know what you’ve been reading! We need to share all the stories…

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” – Ray Bradbury.

“Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life.” - Fernando Pessoa

“Maybe this is why we read, and why in moments of darkness we return to books: to find words for what we already know.” - Alberto Manguel

 

Be well….

~Adrienne

Rollercoasters....

Where are my querying writers at? We need to talk. Are you okay?
If you are not a querying writer but know someone who is, maybe you should check on them.

Querying... it's so... hard. I've done this off and on a couple of times over the years until life, you know, got in the way. And I have friends who have braved all of this ahead of me. I follow tons of authors, agents, and other querying authors online, so I know how it all works. I'm not shocked by rejections or no response at all. It doesn't bother me to see other authors posting online about signing with their dream agent, signing a three-book deal, or the popular posting about something "vague." If anything, it's encouraging to see that it's still happening and that more books will be out in the world. It gives me hope that there will still be room for me.

But....

It is a roller coaster, my friends.... if you know me, you know I HATE rollercoasters. I've been querying for about a month now, and I've noticed some things.

·       You are anxiety-ridden every time you send out a query because you need to make sure you are explicitly following the instructions for every agent. (See examples of requirements below.)

o   Query letter and first five pages

o   Query letter and synopsis

o   Query letter, synopsis, pitch, and mood board

o   Query letter, synopsis, pitch, link to playlist if you have one (agents – please ask for more of these!)

o   Email query

o   Only use the Query Manager form

o   Query only one agent at the agency at a time (only query another agent after the first one passes)

o   We take 8-10 weeks to respond (if we respond)

o   A no from one agent is a no from all

o   Please submit a blood sample…okay, that last one is made up, but who knows, it may be out there somewhere.)

·       As soon as you hit send, you get a new idea for how you could have made the query better, or you find something specific to that agent that you could have pointed out in the letter.

·       An agent will post online that they are looking for something that matches EXACTLY what your book is about. You submit it, and within an hour, they reject it, saying it’s not exactly what they were looking for.

·       You get a rejection that sounds like it might be personalized, and you take their kindness to heart. Then you go on Query Tracker and see multiple comments from people who also queried the agent, and they get the same response word for word.

·       You get a query response, and for a moment, you are at the top of the rollercoaster – I loved your story concept; it’s clear you have talent, your voice is perfect, and the story is on trend…. And then you are in a free fall – I just didn’t connect 100%. I didn’t fall in love with it the way I needed to fully take this on.

·       You’ll see a random post from another author about the book they’re querying or the story they’re working on, and your heart will stop because something about it sounds so similar to yours… but it starts beating again when you realize no one can write the story the way that you can.

And maybe that is the point – millions of people (yes, millions) are out there writing a book, but only they can tell the actual story. And that is true for all of us. We can only tell our story and know that somewhere out there is the right person to help find its way into the world.

 

If you’re querying, please take this as your sign to keep going… and come say hello!

 

~Adrienne

 

New Version

In 27 days, it will be one year since my mom passed away. 

One year since anything in my life felt the slightest bit normal. 

Since 2015, the early months of each year have started with an extreme medical diagnosis for someone close to me or a death. This year was no different...the only difference is in how I am trying to deal with it.

Writing has always been an escape for me, but when the days become incredibly heavy, my mind typically stops me where I am. Journaling, blog posts, and any actual writing stop altogether. The time when I most need words and the act of writing is when the ability leaves me. Maybe I can't stand seeing the reality of what has happened laid out in words. So, all those years have resulted in a series of stops and starts.

Sometime after my mom passed away, I found my way back to a story that I had stopped working on months before. I wish I could tell you the exact moment, what it was that helped me sit down and start. I don't know what, if anything, was different about this story. Why was I able to sit in front of it and add words, sentences, and paragraphs that I couldn't before? But I did. In between paperwork, phone calls to vendors, and emails to lawyers and realtors, I managed to put together sentences. One after another. In November, I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Writing Month) to push myself toward the finish line of a first draft. While I didn't complete it, that finish line is actually in sight. 

During that time, I received critique notes on an earlier book that had been left waiting patiently for me to come back to it. Those notes and a fresh look at the story pushed me to keep going and finalize it. Last week, I started the official querying process for it. 

I still don't know what's changed things. It could be the realization that every year brings terrible along with good and that I'm not the only one it happens to. I can't keep waiting for things to be easier because they never are. Maybe it's that I needed something that was just mine, something good that was moving the time forward, something that would give me distance from the pain. 

Time is short - it's such a cliche, but it's true. 

All I know is that the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. I started journaling again. Some days, I can only manage to write notes: three things I'm grateful for or what would have made a day better. Sometimes, it's full pages of whatever is crowding my mind. But either way, it is moving me forward. I can't believe it's almost a year since one of the worst things happened. It still feels like yesterday. It feels like someone flipped a bunch of pages on the calendar by mistake. I can't slow it down any more than I can stop it.

I can only write one word after the other... for today, that is enough.

~Adrienne

Still Here.....

Wow

When they said lockdown in March of 2020, apparently I thought it applied to everything. My last post was from April 2020 and from the sounds of it, I was somewhat optimistic. At least about the idea that I could find something positive in the whole mess and make some headway with my WIP. 

It appears my mind shut down to many things right after that, including this blog.

The last three years have been... well you all know how it's been. I don't have to tell you the world is heavy, the effort it can take to get through a day, and the way every single one of us has been affected by everything. 

One of my favorite things in this world has always been writing. Hours spent at a coffee shop disappearing into another world and making up characters were my thing. It was such an escape. I don't know what happened but in the last year, it wasn't enough of an escape if that makes sense? Nothing was honestly. I couldn't get into tv shows or movies and it took me forever to finish reading a book. It was a restlessness that was exhausting. Add to that eight hours a day spent in front of a computer for work. Sitting back down to a computer at night made my brain hurt.  I actually considered giving up on writing. The publishing world has become more difficult (if that's possible). Friends who've had success and are extremely talented have struggled. What does that say?

So I didn't write. I put everything aside and just tried to finish reading a book. I listened to podcasts, went for walks, and tried to pull myself out of things. Summer came and we spent weekends camping where there was no internet, tv, or many people. I dragged the computer with me and somehow I actually wrote a couple of pages here and there. I read a few more books and took more walks. And one day I grabbed a notebook and wrote page after page of notes on my WIP that I hope will make it better. Then last weekend I actually found myself in a coffee shop and I... wrote. Even when a couple of hours passed and I would normally want to pack up, my mind wanted to keep going. 

So what changed? The only thing I can point to is books. Reading someone else's work and finding the perfect line, a paragraph that you want to highlight, or a quote you save as a future tattoo idea, made me realize how much I still want and need this in my life. The people who weave poetry and pictures with words are my people. I don't want to lose that. Even if my words never make it into a book they will still make it into the world. For now, that will be enough...

What I've been reading:

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry - Gabrielle Zevin
Built to Last - Erin Hahn
Not Good for Maidens - Tori Bovalino
Gallant - V.E. Schwab

What I've been listening to:

Taylor Swift - Midnight Albums (ALL OF IT)
Brandi Carlile - In These Silent Days album
Barenaked Ladies - Detour de Force album

What I've been watching:

Murders In the Building - Season 2
Never Have I Ever - Season 3
Hocus Pocus 2 (It's the Season!)

What's inspiring you?

~Adrienne

 

Art,Take Me Away....

Times of stress in my life or in the world...that's when I find myself back here. 

Not a good thing, but it is what it is. When the world seems to be falling down around me, I find myself drawn to one main source of comfort. Art. Any shape, any form, as long as it's art. Music, movies, paintings, TV shows, comics, pottery, and most of all books. Ah, hello old friend. Writing has been difficult for me during all of this. When the idea of a shelter in place/social distancing was first floated, someone told me to take the time as a gift and write as much as I could to finish my current project. Any writer has had that dream - a cabin in the woods, no technological distractions, nature outside our window, and endless time in front of us to write the great American novel.

This is not that scenario.

This is walls closing in, attempting to work from home while fighting technology. This is worrying about a danger we can't see, being cut off from friends and family, while also worrying about them, and the world in general. You would think that going into your head and escaping from reality would be the perfect remedy, and it probably would be, if everything listed above didn't give you the attention span of a gnat. 

Yes, a gnat.

Surprisingly, I'm sleeping well. But I'm exhausted every morning, and when the workday ends, my brain feels like it's run a 5K (if a brain could actually run.) You can't shut out the reality of what's going on either. Yes, you can avoid watching the news, but you can't avoid friends and family checking in, reminding you of what you're missing. You can't miss the discussions with colleagues, or the fact that you can't (or shouldn't) leave your house. Oddly, one of the biggest reminders for me is the constant stream of people walking by my house as I sit at my desk. We live a quiet, little neighborhood with sidewalks perfectly made for walking. But, the volume of people I see every day makes me feel like they are busing people in. It's a wonderful sight, but it's a sad reminder of how little time we made for walks before all of this insanity.

Despite all of this, I am trying. I'm about 8K words into my newest WIP. This mainly happens on the weekends, when I have a couple of uninterrupted hours to sit and stare at the screen, trying to string some sentences together. My main character lives with a heightened sense of anxiety. I'm developing a new appreciation for her. I have friends who are trying to read my last project, and God bless them for it. Most of my writing friends are feeling the same way about their attention span.

So, back to that source of comfort. Art in its many shapes and forms - here's what I've been using to get me through this:

TV

Schitt's Creek - My husband and I are obsessed with the quirky characters and their beautiful messiness. And David and Patrick are my little ray of hope. We're spacing out the final season as long as possible.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - The cast, costumes, and dialogue are amazing. I have one episode left...sigghh.

Little Fires Everywhere - I'm only 3 episodes in, but I can feel the roller coaster coming. Reese and Kerry are perfectly cast.

Movies....I love movies. I love going to the movies, the previews, the popcorn...

Sadly, I have not found the ability to sit and watch a new movie (other than a couple of light comedies with friends for a Netflix party.) I have so many movies that I have wanted to see, but just haven't been able to make myself connect to anything right now. But I am open to any suggestions people want to give me! (I wrote this yesterday morning, but I need to add an update to this. Last night's movie choice was a small, independent film called The Fundamentals of Caring with Paul Rudd and Craig Roberts. It was quirky, heartbreaking, and hysterical. I highly recommend it.

Music

Joshua Radin (Live from the Village) 

Talking Heads 

Sara Bareilles (Especially her live stuff)

Meg Myers

Mumford & Sons

Tori Amos
Halsey

Books (I multitask when it comes to reading. I have multiple books going at once. I rotate through them reading a chapter here and there. I never know what mood I'll be in and again with the attention span....)

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill - Abbi Waxman (Fun romance. Great for people who love books and trivia)

Heroine - Mindy McGinnis (Tough read, but such an important story.)

Anti/Hero - Kate Karyus Quinn and Demitria Lunetta (My friend's new middle-grade, graphic novel. Loved it!)

An American Marriage - Tayari Jones (Another hard story, but such gorgeous language.)

B*Witch - Paige McKenzie and Nancy Ohlin (I won an ARC of this from a charity fundraiser and only a few pages in so far.) 

Genuine Fraud - E. Lockhart (I loved We Were Liars, so fingers crossed.)

Before I go, here's one more piece of art that's bringing joy to my life right now. My hand made, coffee mug from my husband's cousin. Artists and their art... this is what will keep us going.

What's keeping you going right now?

~ Adrienne