Sunday, July 29, 2018

Unfolding - One Page At A Time

Time does not change us. It just unfolds us.
~ Max Frisch

How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?
~ Dr. Seuss


I don’t know where the past five months have gone. They disappeared like someone turning a page in a book. One day it was damp, dreary March and we were dealing with death and illness, no idea what to do next. But, the next day happened whether we were ready or not. Now it’s the sweltering end of July, and we find ourselves blinking against the sunlight, dazed from all that has happened. 

Both of the above quotes apply aptly to my life right now. It is getting late, more so every day. And time has definitely unfolded me this year. It has pushed and pulled, stretching me to my limits. It’s forced me to be vulnerable and open up to people. It has made me do things I didn’t believe I was capable of doing, handling things I never could have imagined. 

In terms of my writing it has pushed me outside of an imaginary safety net I had created for myself. I finished my book, pitched to two agents at the annual writing conference, came in 2nd place in a writing contest at said conference, entered an online pitch contest, and am currently preparing to take part in PitchWars. You may or may not be aware of this, but the introvert in me would not have been able to handle this many things so close together prior to this year. You would think the fear of time running out is what propelled me forward. But that’s not the case. If anything, it actually made me less afraid of things. The thought of speaking with an agent about my book became less scary after some of the things I faced this year. It made me become more focused on what is truly important to me. At the conference I received requests from those two agents to send some of my work to them. That gave me the confidence to send out a couple more queries to other agents. I made a joke on social media at the time, asking the Universe to be kind. I had been so fearful of taking that first step, showing my work to someone other than supportive friends and family. My true fear was someone telling me I had no business thinking I could be a writer. So far someone in the Universe is listening. I’ve only had a couple of responses, and even though they were No’s, they were incredibly kind and supportive. They reinforced my love for what I am doing; that whether I ever publish a single written word, just the act of writing is enough to make me happy. 

Time to unfold…… 


Sunday, March 11, 2018

One Day at a Time.....

Yes, it’s been that long. 

It’s been that long since I’ve written anything, let alone a blog post. That saying, “life can change in an instant?” It happened for me the first week of the New Year. It began with both of my parent’s in the same week, being diagnosed with cancer. My mother’s was caught early, my father’s too late.

The following week I turned 43. Notice I didn’t say celebrate. I couldn’t find a single thing to celebrate this year. From that point on everything narrowed itself down to the smallest fragments; going to work, and emailing/texting/calling family. It moved from there to hospitals and oncology consultations, followed by social workers and hospice. There was nothing else. No socializing, no exercising, no reading, and not a single word written, other than the aforementioned emails and texts. The only television I could manage was binge watching Stranger Things. Bizarre I know, but nothing else could hold my attention, or in the very least, not cause me to start crying.|

45 days

45 days from the initial tumor being found, my father passed away. It was peaceful, at home, with family and friends. And it was shocking. I’m still not quite sure how these last few months took place. I have no idea how we all kept on moving, eating, talking, and breathing, while simultaneously being in shock. But we did. We did it because life keeps moving and happening, whether you’re participating or not. My mom and I adopted a motto that first week. “One day at a time.” We tried to keep focus on that. Sometimes it changed to one minute at a time, but it helped keep us from spiraling somewhere into darkness. We’re still in that one day at a time mode, but sometimes we let ourselves look a little ahead. We hope for summer, we talk of vacations, a new home for my mom, and the routine of daily life.

My mom is stage one, and we’re hopeful the cancer will remain at bay for many years. But, the last few months have taught us that time is so ridiculously short, and 45 days can pass in the blink of an eye. Our goal is to find some happiness now in that day to day life. I wish that for all of us; that we can stay in the present and find the good in our days.

Part of my happiness is to find a way back to my writing, and my book. 

Posting this will be step one. One day at a time, one minute at a time.

Here we go…..

~ Adrienne