Unfolding - One Page At A Time

Time does not change us. It just unfolds us.
~ Max Frisch

How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?
~ Dr. Seuss

Time. 

I don’t know where the past five months have gone. They disappeared like someone turning a page in a book. One day it was damp, dreary March and we were dealing with death and illness, no idea what to do next. But, the next day happened whether we were ready or not. Now it’s the sweltering end of July, and we find ourselves blinking against the sunlight, dazed from all that has happened. 

Both of the above quotes apply aptly to my life right now. It is getting late, more so every day. And time has definitely unfolded me this year. It has pushed and pulled, stretching me to my limits. It’s forced me to be vulnerable and open up to people. It has made me do things I didn’t believe I was capable of doing, handling things I never could have imagined. 

In terms of my writing it has pushed me outside of an imaginary safety net I had created for myself. I finished my book, pitched to two agents at the annual writing conference, came in 2^nd place in a writing contest at said conference, entered an online pitch contest, and am currently preparing to take part in PitchWars. You may or may not be aware of this, but the introvert in me would not have been able to handle this many things so close together prior to this year. You would think the fear of time running out is what propelled me forward. But that’s not the case. If anything, it actually made me less afraid of things. The thought of speaking with an agent about my book became less scary after some of the things I faced this year. It made me become more focused on what is truly important to me. At the conference I received requests from those two agents to send some of my work to them. That gave me the confidence to send out a couple more queries to other agents. I made a joke on social media at the time, asking the Universe to be kind. I had been so fearful of taking that first step, showing my work to someone other than supportive friends and family. My true fear was someone telling me I had no business thinking I could be a writer. So far someone in the Universe is listening. I’ve only had a couple of responses, and even though they were No’s, they were incredibly kind and supportive. They reinforced my love for what I am doing; that whether I ever publish a single written word, just the act of writing is enough to make me happy. 

Time to unfold…… 

~Adrienne

Putting Yourself Out There....

Yes it's me....yes, I've been MIA. Mostly for good reasons - as in I haven't been writing here as I've been doing more writing elsewhere. When I look back I realize that was my whole reason for beginning this blog in the first place. So it is a good thing that I've been absent, but I still feel guilty and like I need to apologize. So I'm sorry :)

So, back to that writing thing. I took a big step (for me) and joined a critique group a few months back. I took the first couple of chapters of my story and sent them off to small handful of strangers for a round robin group edit. They in turn sent me their work and we passed them off to each other and at the end we received our work back with four sets of edits, notes, and feedback. 

To say I stressed out during that time would be an understatement....a HUGE understatement. Now don't get me wrong. I never once feared they would be cruel in their critique. I like to believe writers are a kind group, who are out to bolster other writers, not knock them to the ground. But all the same, I was taking something that was near and dear to me, something I had invested a huge amount of time and emotion into, and handing it off to perfect strangers. I was putting myself out there in the most exposed way possible. I'm pretty shy by nature, so talking to someone about what I'm writing gets me tongue tied. Actually showing someone what I've written takes that fear to a whole new level. What if they didn't get what I was trying to convey? What if they didn't get the funny parts, the sad parts, and everything in between? Even worse - what if they just had no interest in reading it at all? All of these were real possibilities. I'm not going to kid myself. I know just how difficult this writing thing can be and the likelihood of ever actually being published. (It's a wonder anyone puts themselves through this.) But I also know that in order to learn and grow as a writer I need to show my work to other people. I have to open it up to scrutiny, and yes, criticism from others. 

I'm happy to report that all the breath holding these last few months was not necessary. Their feedback was incredibly generous. They got the humor, they teared up at certain parts, and they were (I hope) genuinely interested in the story. One of the best compliments came when someone said it made them hug their husband and child a little tighter that night. Now, they also pointed out my issues with punctuation. I'm pretty sure I was absent during the lesson on comma and semi colon use. They also found the holes where a piece of information was left out. When you read something over and over and you know the story so well in your head, you tend to overlook when certain things are missing. They pointed out times where the humor was too soon, the drama needed to be ramped up, and when a piece of dialogue didn't ring true for a character. The cool thing about that is that in only a couple of chapters they already knew who my characters were. They understood their personality and they immediately picked up on something that seemed out of character for them. The other cool thing was that they disagreed with each other at times. One pointed out not loving slang in dialogue, while another said they felt it was true to they way people speak in real life. Sometimes it's just a matter of personal preference and has nothing to do with whether you can write. Overall their feedback was constructive, and reaffirming. The other cool thing? I got to read four other pieces of work and experience their creativity process too. These could be the first drafts of really amazing books and I got to be one of the first to read them. 

See, putting yourself out there can turn out to be a really good thing. 

Have you tried it lately?

~Adrienne

You Have Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself........

I have a fear.....a rather strange one I suppose, but it's a fear none the less. I fear traveling by myself. Anything that involves me, a suitcase and going somewhere outside my neighborhood, can invoke some tremors. Even a road trip can make my heart race a little bit. So let's just say that me walking into the airport Friday afternoon to fly off to NYC, was slightly terrifying. 

I can't explain why I have this fear. If I could, I probably could find a way to limit or change it, but I have no explanation for it. I know it sounds crazy, believe me - I went to college for travel and tourism. I know how INSANE this fear is. Give me one other person to travel with (doesn't even have to be someone I know that well), and I will be completely fine for the trip, any trip, anywhere.....tell me I have to go it alone and I'll be breathing into a paper bag somewhere.

The reason for the trip was a very good one. A really good friend lives there and asked me to come visit, for about the 10th time. (I'm so sorry Amy for being such a scaredy cat!) I've always admired people who can fly off somewhere at a moment's notice to exotic places. One small bag, a passport and an adventurous spirit are all they need. (Yes Amy, I'm also talking about you.) So eventually, I said yes to her invite and I made my travel plans....and I sweated it out for a month. 

What if I miss my flight? What if the cab driver drops me off in the wrong place? What if the flight home is cancelled and I'm stranded at the airport....What if the flight has turbulence and no one is there to hold my hand??? Yes, again, I hear the insanity in what I was thinking, but I thought it anyway and probably much worse. So when the day came for the trip I was exhausted from all of my worrying but still worried all the way to the airport....all the way onto the plane.....through the cab ride (does he really know where he's taking me????) until I found myself at her door and thought......"Well that wasn't so bad."

The rest of the weekend was amazing. Perfect weather (Central Park!), great food, fun times and catching up with a wonderful friend. But my fear had almost won out over all of that. Was I immediately cured of my fear? Hell no! On the cab ride back to the airport the driver commented I may not make my flight home due to all the closed streets from the NYC marathon and his difficulty in finding a way to LaGuardia. I immediately thought "Crap! He is going to drop me off on a street corner in the middle of no where! Thankfully my worrying had paid off in the fact that I left for the airport 3 hours early. (Sometimes it comes in handy.)

But in the end I did face up to a fear (however irrational it may have been) and I am better for it. Guess I should start looking at my list of other fears....(Bungee jumping??.........I don't think so.)

What fears are holding you back from something amazing?

Adrienne