Monday, July 8, 2013

Who Are You?

I took one of those random online tests the other day that's supposed to tell you what side of your brain you use. I don't even remember what the actual sides were, just that I lean more to the creative one. It didn't surprise me since I love anything creative - writing, photography, scrap booking, gardening and cooking. It explains why English and drama classes were my best subjects and why I loved reading. It also explains why science and math remain elusive mysteries to me. It explains why I can get lost in my own neighborhood and why hubby does the checkbook balancing. What did surprise me was how far out of line it was with my daily job. How did someone who clearly thrives on the very idea of being creative, who has a recurring nightmare that it's the night before a math final she hasn't studied for, end up here? My days are full of spreadsheets, invoices, analyzing credit card statements and expense reports. My only explanation at the moment? I really like the company I work for and the people I work with.

My explanation for how I got here goes further back. It goes back to high school and college, to when you're trying your hardest to figure things out. You're trying so hard to fit in and be like everyone else that you forget to just be you. In turn you don't really know you. You have no idea what you really like or don't like, but you know exactly what you should like in order to fit in. You probably have no idea what you're good at. Even if you have a small idea of what you like, that doesn't always translate into using that to find your career path. If you are one of the few who knew at five years old that you wanted to be a doctor, or a teacher, please consider how blessed you are. Having your career calling that early on can take a lot of the pressure off. That was not me. I may have known early on that I loved reading and writing, but I didn't have the overwhelming sense of self that said, hey you should see where you can go with this writing thing. What I do have (that seems to contradict the creative side) is an overwhelming need to do the sensible thing, the responsible thing. That is how I have ended up here, knowing far more about Excel than I should.

Now, quitting and running away from it all would be as opposite of sensible as one could get. The sensible, responsible side of me will never allow that....unless of course lottery winnings are involved....

Anyway....what I can do, and am doing, is to use my free time to pursue this interest and see where it takes me. Another step I'm taking is working to learn more about myself. 

What works for me? (Good stretches of alone time. Time to work through the words, stories, and plots in my head.) 

What doesn't work for me? (Talking on the phone. Crazy right? I believe that I used up any phone talking gene that I had in my teenage years. Talking on the phone now is stressing and exhausting. I would much rather prefer a good face to face chat; email and texting being very close runner ups.  Sorry Mom and Dad. I know I monopolized the phone then, but you can so have it back now.)

What else have I learned? 
  • Politics make me crazy. Both sides/parties are out of control.
  • Some days I like animals more than I like people.
  • A good night sleep is so underrated. 
  • There are times though when I'll sacrifice it for a greater good. I went to the drive in with two of my best friends last week to see Grease. The movie didn't start until 9:45 and it was almost 1:00am before I made it to bed, but surprisingly I didn't feel tired. It had been so long since we'd hung out, just the three of us and it was so needed. 
  • There isn't much that dark chocolate can't cure.
  • Clutter stresses me out. Seriously, the show Hoarders, our junk drawer, and my basement, all give me the heebie jeebies.
  • The older I get the less tolerance I have for negativity, griping, complaining, etc...The world is tough enough without feeding into the darkness.
  • I love anything that speaks of a season; food, events, and rituals that say this is summer. Just this weekend there was jet skiing, a little sun time spent catching up with some family, a bonfire, and fireworks that we watched with good friends. We indulged in fresh picked strawberries, watermelon, burgers, and ice cream and I loved every minute of it. 
  • I zone out a lot in large groups. My fascination with observation has a mind of its own. Don't panic if I do it while talking to you....I'll find my way back.

All of this makes me think of the high school seniors who have just graduated in the last few weeks. Do they have any idea who they really are, or what they truly want to do? I hope so. I sincerely hope they're focused more on being true to who they are, rather than wasting their energy on trying to be like everyone else. 

And what about you my friend? Do you know who you are? It's not too late to find out.

             ~ Adrienne