Sunday, March 11, 2018

One Day at a Time.....



Yes, it’s been that long. 

It’s been that long since I’ve written anything, let alone a blog post. That saying, “life can change in an instant?” It happened for me the first week of the New Year. It began with both of my parent’s in the same week, being diagnosed with cancer. My mother’s was caught early, my father’s too late.

The following week I turned 43. Notice I didn’t say celebrate. I couldn’t find a single thing to celebrate this year. From that point on everything narrowed itself down to the smallest fragments; going to work, and emailing/texting/calling family. It moved from there to hospitals and oncology consultations, followed by social workers and hospice. There was nothing else. No socializing, no exercising, no reading, and not a single word written, other than the aforementioned emails and texts. The only television I could manage was binge watching Stranger Things. Bizarre I know, but nothing else could hold my attention, or in the very least, not cause me to start crying.|

45 days

45 days from the initial tumor being found, my father passed away. It was peaceful, at home, with family and friends. And it was shocking. I’m still not quite sure how these last few months took place. I have no idea how we all kept on moving, eating, talking, and breathing, while simultaneously being in shock. But we did. We did it because life keeps moving and happening, whether you’re participating or not. My mom and I adopted a motto that first week. “One day at a time.” We tried to keep focus on that. Sometimes it changed to one minute at a time, but it helped keep us from spiraling somewhere into darkness. We’re still in that one day at a time mode, but sometimes we let ourselves look a little ahead. We hope for summer, we talk of vacations, a new home for my mom, and the routine of daily life.


My mom is stage one, and we’re hopeful the cancer will remain at bay for many years. But, the last few months have taught us that time is so ridiculously short, and 45 days can pass in the blink of an eye. Our goal is to find some happiness now in that day to day life. I wish that for all of us; that we can stay in the present and find the good in our days.

Part of my happiness is to find a way back to my writing, and my book. 

Posting this will be step one. One day at a time, one minute at a time.


Here we go…..

~ Adrienne 

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Which Comes First? Reading or Writing?


I have an ongoing battle with myself. It’s called there are not enough hours in the day for all the reading and writing there is to be done. It’s always been an issue, but since starting my early morning writing ritual, it’s increased tenfold. As I said previously, I created a monster in giving life to my creative side. The need to write gets stronger every day. The only thing taking a close second to it is my love of reading. It makes sense right? I love words and stories, and reading the work of others is inspiring.

And therein lies the problem.

Reading another person's work triggers a creative spark in me – it makes me want to write something equally amazing. Now. Obviously that feeling then disrupts my reading. So I go back to my writing, to getting the words down as quickly as possible. But, all too soon the call of my books comes back to me and I step away from the keyboard for a chapter, or two. And the vicious cycle continues. It doesn’t help that I’m a (slow) serial reader, typically having about four books going at once, along with an overstocked library just waiting for me to pick them next. (My book obsession has been chronicled before).  Currently this is my reading stack. 

Paper Towns – John Green
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls
Under the Tuscan Sun – Frances Mayes
The Awkward Path to Getting Lucky – Summer Heacock

Now, before you start laughing there is a method to my madness in so many books. The book I read depends on the situation, locality, environment, and even my mood. Let me explain.

Paper Towns is taking me so long because it’s on my Kindle so I need to be somewhere conducive to electronics. 

The Secret History I started back in June on vacation and I’m sooo close to being done. It’s an amazing literary read – translation: I need absolutely no distractions when reading it. So a crowded waiting room, busy coffee shop, or even my house sometimes, is not the place to read it.  

The Glass Castle I started two weeks ago. The book has been on my shelf for a couple of years now, but I was compelled to start it when I saw the movie trailer. I’m sorry it took me so long to start. Ironically I will probably finish this one first. (Confession - I wrote this last week and have since finished this book. Spoiler - the book was so much better.) The resiliency of this character has me mesmerized. It reminds me of Mary Karr’s The Liars’ Club, which I couldn’t put down either.

Under the Tuscan Sun is my fun, escape read. Days when the pace of life is overwhelming, the 9 to 5 grind, suffering from technology overload – this is what I reach for. Maye’s description of her life in Italy renovating a Tuscan villa brick by brick makes me want to sell everything and book a one way ticket to Italy. I’ve taken to leaving for work a half hour early so I can stop for coffee and read a chapter. It’s like a decadent dessert I need to savor in small bites.
 
The Awkward Path to Getting Lucky is a new release by a friend of a friend. I’m only a chapter in, but I can tell this is going to be my comic relief, which I think we can all agree we need more of right now.  

So until someone finds a way to stop time, or add more hours to the day, this will be the pattern that I follow. Is anyone else out there a serial reader? (Or invented a way to stop time?) 

Footnote – while writing this someone stopped to comment on my copy of The Glass Castle. “Such an amazing book.” I bet she’s a serial reader too…

~ Adrienne  


Friday, August 11, 2017

Pants, Plots, and Pages.....

The last time we spoke, I told you about how Patrick Swayze my muse wouldn't leave me alone about a new idea. I thought maybe it was just a vacation thing. I jotted down some of the ideas, made a couple of notes and tucked it away for some time down the road. I figured that would quiet things down. I'd get back to my first book and follow the logical steps to completion. I completed the revision on my book and sent it off to my wonderfully kind friend who helped with the first round of edits and (God Bless her), offered to take another look.

So, the next steps would be to start researching agents and work on a query letter, and cross my fingers that my friend doesn't tell me to throw book #1 out the window. I did these things, or at least I started to do these things. But then two things happened - Mr. Muse came knocking again and Camp NaNo WriMo started. (Short for National Novel Writing Month - a contest that takes place every November. The idea is you try to write a novel in a month. It's a great tool to kick start a project and it forces you to just write and not over think what you're writing.)

So back to Camp NaNo, which is a virtual writing retreat. It's the same idea as the one in November, but more relaxed. You set your own goals (hours worked, pages written, word total, etc.) You set up virtual cabins and you and your bunk mates offer support, camaraderie, jokes, and virtual s'mores. Again, a great way to jump start a project. A writing friend sent out an invite the day before the camp started, asking if anyone wanted to join. The fact that the invite came the same week that Muse started yammering again, seemed to be a sign. So I took the challenge and jumped in.

I set my goal at 50,000 words, but honestly had no idea if I would get past 500. I've only written Women's fiction and this new idea was somewhere between Middle Grade and Young Adult - way outside of my comfort zone. I had no idea if I had the ages right, or was the topic too old, or too young, or too boring?? But Mr. Muse told me quit whining and just write. So I did and in only a couple of days I had about 5,000 words. Words that have never come so easily - I was shocked by how much fun and easy it was. I can do this....piece of cake....like riding a bike....and then the wheels fell off. I hit this wall suddenly. I listened to the wrong voices in my head (not Mr. Muse - the other ones who say I don't know what I'm doing.) I sent my WIP off to some very trusted, extremely knowledgeable friends who write MG and YA and asked for their opinion. I got amazing feedback and encouragement to go either way with it - it would just need modifications depending on my choice.

And I froze....again.

And then one of the friends emailed me some wonderful advice. She told me that all of the things I was worrying about (voice sounding the right age, content too old, etc) would all be fixable in revisions. She said for now, you should just write the story you want to write. And that unfroze me!

But, I was still a little stuck. I had the beginning, the ending and some vague ideas for the middle. It's how I typically write. I meander and wait to see what comes to me. Sometimes it works amazingly well. And sometimes I feel like I'm lost in the forest. I decided to try creating an outline just to see how it would work. I've always been more of a pantser, a term to describe writers who just write, with no outline to guide them. Previously I scoffed at outlines. I didn't want to take the time to write about what should happen - I just wanted to write! But there were too many ideas and they were swirling above my head like little cartoon birdies.

Comfort zone out the window - I wrote an outline. A very long, wordy outline. Honestly the thing could be a novella in and of itself. The whole time I kept muttering that I could just be writing instead of wasting my time and energy on this. But a funny thing happened. Normally when I write as a pantser, I sprint through the first couple of chapters. The whole time I can see the finish line; how I want the story to end and I'm impatient as hell to get there. But in order to get there I need to get through the middle. That loonnng middle. And that is where I tend to hit my wall (see forest). But now that I have my novella outline I'm able to stay on the path. I can see where I need to be every step of the way and if I get stuck, I refer to the outline and see what I need to be writing about. It's not to say that the outline is carved in stone. I can make adjustments, but it guides me from point A to point B. It says, if you want Z to happen in chapter 5, then you need to do X in chapter 3. If you want E to equal....ok you get the picture. The point is this outline idea got me to over 13,000 words for Camp NaNo. It may not sound like a lot, but remember I took time out to write that novella, so imagine how many words I could have done. 

For my writers out there....anyone else convert from being a pantser to a plotter? Anyone else try out Camp NaNo WriMo? Anyone else have a muse who won't shut up?

~ Adrienne

Thursday, June 22, 2017

I've Created A Monster......



Vacation....

That word brings such joy to my heart. To me it has always meant a time out, time off, time for my brain to truly rest. Hubby and I recently returned from a week in Florida. Nothing strenuous. We visited family, hung out at the pool and beach, and ate some fabulous food. One of my main goals was to read in the sun and for lack of a better word, veg. This is how I’ve always viewed vacations. I certainly would not be writing – my brain needed a break, a real break. This plan has always worked perfectly in the past. 


In the past….


There was just a slight problem with this plan. My brain. After months of my new routine of writing once, sometimes twice a day, going cold turkey was not going to go as easily as I had hoped. It started on the plane on the way there. My brain started nagging me to get out the notebook I’d thrown in at the last minute and start jotting notes. But since our flight was at 5am I told my brain to hush and took a nap. The first day we were on the go all the time so it wasn’t too bad. The next day was our first full pool day and I settled in with my book, excited to just disappear for a couple of hours. Then it started.


Brain: Hey, um mm we're not at work.
Me: Yup, that’s right.
Brain: Hmm, we um normally would be writing in our free time.
Me: I know, but we’re on vacation and need a break. And I don’t have my laptop
Brain: You put a notebook in your bag – I saw you.
Me: Siggh…I know that, but no. We need a break and we’re just going to read.
Brain: But…
Me: its one week. We’ll come back refreshed and more focused.
Brain: …


This worked for a couple of hours. I floated in the pool, read, and actually interacted with people. I thought my brain and I were on the same page. I thought we understood each other. I thought wrong.


Brain: OK, so we’re not actually going to do any physical writing?
Me: Right, no actual writing. Now, if you don’t mind I’m –
Brain: OK, no problem. You go back to reading and I’ll just sit here and wait.
Me: Okay….
Brain: Hey, remember that new MG/YA story idea you had? I have some fabulous ideas. I’m just going to mull them over. I’ll be over here. Perfectly quiet. I won’t say a word. (Proceeds to mumble ideas for the next hour.)


I meanwhile proceeded to read the same pages over and over again until I gave up and just sat and listened. I didn’t give in and write, but I definitely zoned out. I went far into my head; so far that hubby actually asked if I was okay. He gets me. He gets that I do this and that nothing is wrong, but I don’t typically (try not to) do this when we’re with other people. I do my best to be present. So I felt really bad about this, but my brain literally would not shut up. 


It got progressively worse from there. No matter what we were doing my brain kept throwing ideas at me. The only time it left me alone was when I was sleeping. It was always there, like a child, tugging on my arm, begging for attention. Going for a walk on the beach was the worst.


Brain: You enjoy your walk. I’ll just be over here… Hey! Look at all these people! What kind of stories can we come up with about them?
Me: No, no…. listen, I just want to walk. Please, just zip it.
Brain: Okay…. Psstt, look at that guy there. What’s going on? What’s that bottle he’s holding? How comes he’s holding his hands like that? Is he praying, or meditating? I bet he has a great story. Oh, oh! Look at this lady. A dog and three kids and she looks sad. What do you think –
Me: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Brain:…

Silence for about two minutes and then we passed a group of older woman, sitting in those small chairs that go right in the water. They were having a lot of adult beverages and laughing hysterically. You could see the years of friendship and fun between them. Brain literally exploded.
Brain: OMGGGGGG!! LOOK AT THEM! LISTEN TO THEM! WHO ARE THEY????
I Just about ran to get away from them.


I made it through the rest of the week, but just barely. I was beginning to feel like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost when Patrick Swayze’s ghost wouldn’t stop bugging her. I’m trying to view this as a positive thing. My brain fully believes it’s a writer. Writer’s write. Therefore going without writing for a day just doesn’t work. It’s my own fault. This was my goal after all; to train myself to write as much as possible so I could become better at it, and actually accomplish something. In a way I wanted to become addicted to I and I did. I created my own monster. So for future vacations I will need to schedule time for some kind of writing. 

Otherwise I’ll need to buy a plane ticket for Patrick Swayze.  

~ Adrienne

PS - This was how I imagined vacation would go.....

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Finding Your Tribe

Do you hear that? That my friends is the sound of me typing away. Last weekend was the annual Pennwriters conference and I came home with a renewed enthusiasm for writing. My love for writing has never died, but I have to say that sometimes daily life has done it's best to break us up.

I wrote a blog post a few years back called Breathing lessons. It was written after another Pennwriters conference. Reading it today, I realize how much it all still applies. I had to learn to breathe again. Immersing myself into a conference like this is so essential for getting my mind where it needs to be. As I said then, as writers we lose ourselves in another world. But the real world fights us to get out of our heads and stay in the present. I know balance is important, but lately I've felt the scales tipping too far into the real world. I feel it in my restlessness, in my need to daydream, even in my over the top reaction to small annoyances. My heart knows when there is a problem way before I do. This conference was a way to tip the scale back where it belongs.

Which brings me to title of this post. A major difference from a few years ago is that now my writing journey isn't so solitary. Our group of two has expanded into a much larger group within the place we call home. In addition, our conference group has grown from two into four (plus one adopted out of towner.) We've become known as the Buffalo Gals by conference goers. Each conference that we attend is a chance to catch up with people we met years ago, as well as meeting someone new. And with the available social media options you're able to keep in touch long after the conference ends. So even if you met someone once, or only shared a laugh during a seminar, you still feel like you have a common connection. You can reach out on Twitter to see who's writing, retweet a post, or commiserate over a writing problem. Knowing they are out there writing, however far away, makes things seem less lonely. These are the people who help me breathe. These are the people who understand what I mean when I say the real world is overwhelming me. This is my tribe....

Thank you for helping me breathe. 

~ Adrienne