Yes, it’s been that long.
It’s been that long since I’ve
written anything, let alone a blog post. That saying, “life can change in an
instant?” It happened for me the first week of the New Year. It began with both
of my parent’s in the same week, being diagnosed with cancer. My mother’s was
caught early, my father’s too late.
The following week I turned 43. Notice I didn’t say celebrate. I couldn’t find a single thing to celebrate this year. From that point on everything narrowed itself down to the smallest fragments; going to work, and emailing/texting/calling family. It moved from there to hospitals and oncology consultations, followed by social workers and hospice. There was nothing else. No socializing, no exercising, no reading, and not a single word written, other than the aforementioned emails and texts. The only television I could manage was binge watching Stranger Things. Bizarre I know, but nothing else could hold my attention, or in the very least, not cause me to start crying.|
The following week I turned 43. Notice I didn’t say celebrate. I couldn’t find a single thing to celebrate this year. From that point on everything narrowed itself down to the smallest fragments; going to work, and emailing/texting/calling family. It moved from there to hospitals and oncology consultations, followed by social workers and hospice. There was nothing else. No socializing, no exercising, no reading, and not a single word written, other than the aforementioned emails and texts. The only television I could manage was binge watching Stranger Things. Bizarre I know, but nothing else could hold my attention, or in the very least, not cause me to start crying.|
45 days
45 days from the initial tumor being found, my father passed
away. It was peaceful, at home, with family and friends. And it was shocking. I’m
still not quite sure how these last few months took place. I have no idea how
we all kept on moving, eating, talking, and breathing, while simultaneously being
in shock. But we did. We did it because life keeps moving and happening,
whether you’re participating or not. My mom and I adopted a motto that first
week. “One day at a time.” We tried to keep focus on that. Sometimes it changed
to one minute at a time, but it helped keep us from spiraling somewhere into
darkness. We’re still in that one day at a time mode, but sometimes we let ourselves
look a little ahead. We hope for summer, we talk of vacations, a new home for
my mom, and the routine of daily life.
My mom is stage one, and we’re hopeful the cancer will remain
at bay for many years. But, the last few months have taught us that time is so
ridiculously short, and 45 days can pass in the blink of an eye. Our goal is to
find some happiness now in that day to day life. I wish that for all of us;
that we can stay in the present and find the good in our days.
Part of my happiness is to find a way back to my writing,
and my book.
Posting this will be step one. One day at a time, one minute at a
time.
Here we go…..
~ Adrienne