One Day at a Time.....

Yes, it’s been that long. 

It’s been that long since I’ve written anything, let alone a blog post. That saying, “life can change in an instant?” It happened for me the first week of the New Year. It began with both of my parent’s in the same week, being diagnosed with cancer. My mother’s was caught early, my father’s too late.

The following week I turned 43. Notice I didn’t say celebrate. I couldn’t find a single thing to celebrate this year. From that point on everything narrowed itself down to the smallest fragments; going to work, and emailing/texting/calling family. It moved from there to hospitals and oncology consultations, followed by social workers and hospice. There was nothing else. No socializing, no exercising, no reading, and not a single word written, other than the aforementioned emails and texts. The only television I could manage was binge watching Stranger Things. Bizarre I know, but nothing else could hold my attention, or in the very least, not cause me to start crying.|

45 days

45 days from the initial tumor being found, my father passed away. It was peaceful, at home, with family and friends. And it was shocking. I’m still not quite sure how these last few months took place. I have no idea how we all kept on moving, eating, talking, and breathing, while simultaneously being in shock. But we did. We did it because life keeps moving and happening, whether you’re participating or not. My mom and I adopted a motto that first week. “One day at a time.” We tried to keep focus on that. Sometimes it changed to one minute at a time, but it helped keep us from spiraling somewhere into darkness. We’re still in that one day at a time mode, but sometimes we let ourselves look a little ahead. We hope for summer, we talk of vacations, a new home for my mom, and the routine of daily life.

My mom is stage one, and we’re hopeful the cancer will remain at bay for many years. But, the last few months have taught us that time is so ridiculously short, and 45 days can pass in the blink of an eye. Our goal is to find some happiness now in that day to day life. I wish that for all of us; that we can stay in the present and find the good in our days.

Part of my happiness is to find a way back to my writing, and my book. 

Posting this will be step one. One day at a time, one minute at a time.

Here we go…..

~ Adrienne 

Emotional Decorating......

I'm an odd person when it comes to emotional things. I don't always get emotional over the things I should and other times the smallest things can set me off. This week it was Christmas ornaments. Am I the only person in the world who tears up over Christmas ornaments?

This is the first ornament that goes on my tree every year. My grandmother passed away from cancer the day before my 2nd birthday. She was so ill that that Christmas that she couldn't do any shopping, but had ornaments purchased for all of her grandchildren. This little reindeer was mine. I have no memories of her, but somehow this makes me feel a little closer to her. And that begins the emotions.

These two belonged to my husband as a child, also a gift from his grandmother. I love how delicate they are and that his initials and the year are engraved on them.

I got this ornament when my nephew (who is now a 7th grader!) was just a baby. Look at those cheeks! I love this picture of my mom holding him.

 This was a wedding gift, engraved with our name and the year. It was one of three that we received. I love the simplicity of it.

 

 

My husband received airplane themed ornaments growing up, and I've carried on the tradition each year. 

I love the details in all of these.......

 

And how adorable is this cat in an airplane??? I crack up every time I see it.

Speaking of cats..........my two little buddies. Don't know what I would do without them.

 

 One of my new favorite ornaments - this was made by a very talented friend. I would never have the patience!

Last, but not least....another one that makes me tear up; mainly because I tear up at this show every year. Come on, tell me you don't? I teared up for another reason this year, as it seems to be broken. It should light up along with playing Linus explaining the real meaning of Christmas. Alas, not this year. But I still love it.... :)

So, are you emotionally attached to any of your ornaments?

~ Adrienne

Pruning - Part II

 

When last we met, I was rambling discussing my issues with giving up/making changes/cutting back on things that weren't working in my yard/life/etc..... When I finally agreed to one major change, I slowly started to see that change didn't always have to be a bad thing. Especially when change meant taking something like this:

 

and getting something like this:

As lovely as it was and as nice as it made things, I still fought against other changes. I wanted to continue to struggle with the overcrowding of flower beds and runaway ground cover. To add to the madness of thinking I could do it all, I was also still trying to plant new annuals every year, which added even more to the upkeep. So this spring, I finally said enough is enough. I couldn't do it all and I couldn't deal with the guilt of not being able to do it all. So in a couple of weekends with a very helpful hubby, we cleaned house yard. We kept some Hostas (which we transplanted) and the rose bushes as I believed they were the item that meant the most to the previous owner. We removed all traces of the Pachysandra, added Hibiscus, more Hostas and a couple of new rose bushes. We collected rocks from Lake Ontario to add some character to the gardens and mulched the heck out of them to fight back the determined weeds. I'm not a professional gardener (or photographer), but I'm learning........

BEFORE

AFTER

(Please excuse the sad siding....that is a future project and as they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day..")

BEFORE

 AFTER

 (Again ignore the siding. Apparently the previous owners decided to begin siding the house and only did one half. I call it quirky chic.)

 

 BEFORE

 AFTER

 

The lessons that I learned from all of these changes are something I need to apply to my everyday life. How often do we continue to do the same things over and over, afraid to make a change; whether it's as simple as changing your hair style, to something as big as ending a relationship that is no longer healthy for you? I think you need to let go of something wrong in your life in order to make room for something that is right. My favorite example of this was hubby taking a risk to flight instruct full time. He let go of the security of a full time job that prevented him from his real love of teaching others to fly. As soon as he made the decision to make that change he had new students coming from every direction. 

For me, I had to learn to give a higher priority to what is most important to me in my life, not what I think is most important to everyone else. As I have said before - to my friends who have children, I have no idea how you do it all. Some days work, cleaning the house and maintaining all the relationships in my life, are all I can handle. Add in my love/need to write, 2 pets, and an attempt to exercise, and.....well I don't think I need to tell anyone how there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. So I needed to figure out how to protect those things that are most important to me (family/friends/writing) and how to weed out (pun intended) the lesser things......like having a perfectly clean house (no hubby I am not going to stop cleaning) or maintaining a full blown garden. My friend and I began scheduling a weekly night to get together and write. The funny thing is that once we did that, I realized how much I needed to write, which in turn made me say, "I need more time to write." An added bonus is that I get to also spend time with my friend and maintain a friendship that is so important to me. From all of this I'm more willing now to say I'm going to take a couple of hours on the weekend to work. I've made myself say no to a couple of things (nothing that was extreme and nothing that hurt anyone), but it was still hard for me nonetheless to not feel guilt over not doing it all. But I found the more that I ask for the time that I need, the easier it has become and the more readily it has been given. Change is hard; don't get me wrong. This isn't something that I came to overnight and it's not something that I won't struggle with, but my experience with pruning has shown me that sometimes you have to make changes to make something beautiful........

What changes are you contemplating?

Get out your pruning shears......

~ Adrienne

Pruning - Part I

When hubby and I first began our house hunt 5 years ago, we knew the house itself would need to be modest due to our budget. A couple of bedrooms, a garage and a nice neighborhood, were our main goals. I myself had only one concern. I wanted flowers in my yard. All the years leading up to this moment, first in my own apartment and then in our condo, were filled with a simple desire to plant something.....anything.So when we came upon our house it was pretty much what we were looking for. Three bedrooms, a garage (2 car!), and it was in a cozy neighborhood. In addition the house came with......some...ummm.... lovely.....bushes. As you can see from the picture above, these were no small bushes. No sirree. These bushes were apparently planted shortly after the house was built and they were, (according to legend) only trimmed once during that time. What you are looking at folks is actually the top of the bushes. They had grown so much over the years that they essentially tipped over, hence the top became the front of the bushes. What you can't see from the picture is the space behind them, which was large enough to house a small village. Not being fond of the idea of someone or something hiding out in them, we made pulling them out our first priority. Neighbors told us later that they had no idea there was an additional bedroom window on the front of the house until then! In fairness to the previous owners, the woman was elderly and too proud to ask for assistance, so she had done what she could. 

Now what the front of the house lacked in color and aesthetics, the back of the house made up for. Primroses, cone flowers, rosebushes, evergreens and a number of other bushes and shrubs. It was obvious the woman loved to garden and this was her pride and joy. I was thrilled. I could see that some work would need to be done to bring things under control, but it was what I had wanted right? Fast forward a couple more months to the actual closing/moving process and reality sunk in. Knowing the home owner had been ill, it made sense that things would be a little neglected. What we had failed to realize was that the neglect had actually gone on for a couple of years and things were in serious decline. Flower beds were overflowing with flowers that were planned and those that had simply moved in on their own. Not to mention the weeds that had infiltrated, each and every one of the beds. Shrubs were overgrown or half dead, and the others grew at odd angles, competing for sun with a large neighboring tree. The main eyesore ran along the entire length of the back of the house. The area (again due to the large tree), didn't get sun but for about 2 hours a day. Therefore the ground never dried completely, resulting in a soggy, mossy mess. The bushes and plants that attempted to grow there had about an inch of foliage at the top and about 2 feet of dead branches underneath. What did flourish in this area was pachysandra, an insanely fast spreading ground cover. It had spilled itself right over the borders of the flower bed and was threatening to take over the entire yard.

But, again this was what I had wanted right? So I dug in (literally). We dug out the front bushes and replaced them with small (manageable) box woods and rose of Sharon. We removed dead evergreens and cut back anything that stood still. We then took a wait and see approach with everything else. With some pruning and patience we hoped that most of the yard would regenerate itself in a healthy fashion. But the following year brought much of the same. No matter how much had been cut back, some things were just too old and had gone too long with out care to revive themselves. So we removed the shrub that couldn't grow straight and dug out the rampant pachysandra. I was stubborn about a lot of things though. Hubby and I fought discussed saving some things.Trust me, I held onto things that were well past their prime, including a miniature rose bush that had been choked for years by a pair of evergreens. The bush literally produced about 5 flowers in its last year of life, being more of a stump than anything else, but I felt the need to continue trying to save it. He wanted to clean things up and make the yard neater, while I felt an odd sense of loyalty to the previous owner, a gardening kinship if you will. I felt extreme guilt at removing anything she had planted and obviously cared for. I also felt like a failure for not being able to keep up with it and make it look better. 

After a couple of years of the ongoing struggle with things, I agreed to some small changes. We began with the swamp behind the house. Knowing nothing would grow there we decided to turn the space into a patio. That went extremely well, but even seeing those improvements, I was still reluctant to give up - give up my guilt over not being much of a "natural" gardener and my belief that I could do it all. So it took until this year for me to finally say enough is enough. We needed to make some real changes. As much as I loved the idea of gardening, I was not retired nor a trained horticulturist. There were not enough hours in the day that were required to keep everything maintained. I loved summer, but I wasn't being allowed to enjoy it because I was always trying to fix something in the yard. 

I realized that gardening is a lot like life. We hold onto things that aren't working far past their time. Relationships, jobs, addictions, and most of all guilt. Guilt that we aren't doing everything right, that we're not getting everything done, or worse, that we aren't living our life as someone else is expecting us to. Sometimes we need to say enough is enough and start cutting back. Look at things in a different light (especially those areas that don't get sun), rethink the layout of your life.....and most importantly, get a pair of good pruning shears.

~ Adrienne

Next up.......Time for change........

Today I am thankful for...........

If you've read my blog, you probably know that I have a thing about gratitude.

Sometimes it's hard for us to remember to be thankful for what we have. Life can get pretty crazy, as it has for me the last couple of month (hence the lack of posts - sorry!).

I think it's doubly important during the crazy times to really focus on the things that make life good. It's easy to notice the BIG things in our life; getting the job, vacations, celebrations, falling in love and winning the lottery (OK I know nothing about that one, but there are people who do.)

The time when it's most important to be grateful, is when things aren't the rosiest.The things we should notice? Sometimes the littlest things make all of the difference.......

Unconditional Love from a pet - Every morning my Daisy leaps (yes leaps with no warning) onto my shoulder and snuggles in for a love fest. She gets as close as possible and purrs like a motorboat. There's nothing like it for starting your morning.

"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." ~ George Elliot

                                                                                

Three weddings and an engagement - We have 3 weddings to attend this summer and two of our closest friends just announced their engagement. In a world where marriages expire faster than a gallon of milk, it's encouraging to see people who are still willing to commit their lives to each other. To say yes - you are the one I want to grow old with. 

"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage."  ~Martin Luther        

                                                 

Health and Contacts - 

Getting an all clear this week on a health scare for a relative - Enough said right?

 

After my eye surgery earlier this year, I'd pretty much ruled out being able to wear contacts again. It was going to be glasses for me here on out, which I was okay with. (As I said before, the ability to just see outweighs pretty much everything else.) So imagine my surprise when the doctor suggested we go back to contacts. They actually think it could help protect my eye, as long as we can rule out the allergy they originally thought that I had. Two weeks of wearing them - so far so good :)

"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver." Mahatma Gandhi

                                                             

Having a passion - Hubby turned his love for flying into a full time teaching job this year. He works crazy hours (anywhere from 6am to 9pm), but he's absolutely loving it because he loves what he's doing.

I've always written (or at least dabbled in it), but this year in particular has brought a new focus for me. Ever since the writing conference last year, my friend and I have put renewed effort into our goals. Meeting a couple of times a month for a writing session, joining writing groups and taking online classes, forced me to keep focus on my goal. The hours are long, and there are days when I'm exhausted, but I'm loving every minute of it too. 

"You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it." Oprah Winfrey

                                                                            

Dark Chocolate - Hey, I said it's the little things right? 

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz

What little things made your list for this week?

~ Adrienne